I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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