Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
