clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just found puke in my bra..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
