I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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