I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
