I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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