i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
