Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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