wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
