Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
