Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize