Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
