who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
