Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
