update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
