This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
