To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
