Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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