A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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