so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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