My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
