so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
