you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
