I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize