I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
