First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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