My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
