Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
