omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
