I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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