just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
