Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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