Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
