She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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