There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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