Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
