Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
