it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
