what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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