Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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