omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
