Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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