I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
