Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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