do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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