Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize