I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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