I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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