WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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