it wasn't lemon gatorade
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
