i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
