So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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