I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
