Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
