Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
