Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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