And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
