Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
