I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
NoShamevember. You game?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
