those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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