I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
