We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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