I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
