so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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