So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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