I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
