Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
