i would punch a child for taco bell
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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