Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
