My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
