Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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