it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
