So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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