Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
