i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
