just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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