I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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