you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
