I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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