if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
