2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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