When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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