Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize