Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
