hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
