Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
